That Surface Level Love

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Why am I not enough? That is the question that I often times ask to my natural hair community. Let me start by saying that I do not feel this way about the entire natural hair community, but there are some areas where you are just not accepted in their community.

When I first returned natural, I was in a city where most women I talked to were natural, but rarely showed their natural hair. Rather, they wore protective styles A LOT. It was fine with me, it didn’t really bother me. It’s their hair. I always encourage women to let their natural hair breathe, but it’s up to them in the end. However, I have run into those beautiful naturals who just have a problem with everything “new age naturals” are doing. The naturals I’m referring to have been natural all of their life, never had a relaxer. They are deep into their ancestral roots (which I applaud and encourage everyone to research their history) and they oppose anyone who isn’t on their level. Now, I since some offense in the air, but I don’t mean to offend. I just want to speak my truth.

Some women who fully embrace their natural hair down to their roots (literally) have become a little more judgmental than I would like. For instance, I am natural and I love my hair, but then some would say that is “surface level” love. If I truly loved my skin and loved my black community, then why do I still have my slave name? Okay, I understand. I know my history, but I like my name. My mom gave me that name and I appreciate it. “What about your clothing?” Well, I like jeans and gray pencil skirts. “Okay what about your activity in the community? Why aren’t you fighting the system for your enslaved sisters and brothers?” I choose to fight differently than you. I know my place and my purpose and it may not involve me doing the same things that you do. After they digest my answers, they simply decide that I am just a sham. Another black woman following trends, but not willing to set them. That’s not fair. Which is why I ask, why am I not enough?

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I said earlier, this is not everyone. There are some people that are deep into their roots like my sister-in-law and are willing to share information in a nice way. She will openly talk to you about what she believes and the future of the black community through her eyes, but not in a forceful way. She returned natural over a decade ago, she dons African attire on occasion, and has given her son the most beautiful African name I have ever heard. Even in my ignorance while making statements like, “I could never go natural” or “I like my hair to move” (yes, I was one of them) she did not judge me or write me off. Instead, she planted little seeds and with the help of others, they grew. There are many women out there like this and I applaud you for standing firm in your beliefs and encouraging others to live their truth even if that means they are not where you are. Furthermore, I would like to take time to encourage those women who may be thinking of returning natural to continue on with the journey. I understand it can be scary, the unknown. We are here for you. There are some scary naturals out there, but chances are you will meet the non-scary ones. Like me! What I’m trying to say is accept your truth and live in that space. If your truth means returning natural, then embrace it fully. There are resources and others out there just waiting to help. Love and light y’all.

Have questions or comments, please let me know

Pamela Coleman is originally from Jackson, MS. She received her B.S. degree in Mass communications from Jackson State University. Deciding not to write for the city newspaper, Pamela wanted to pursue a different passion. After relocating to Texas and now Minnesota, Pamela has found herself in a unique position. Now, a stay at home wife and mother of two, Pamela started blogging about her mental and emotional journey of returning natural in hopes to reach others (curlsandwhatknots.wordpress.com). Her goal is to help as many women and men uplift the natural community and change a mindset that has been passed down for generations. Her daughter was her sole inspiration for returning natural and soon her son inspired her to tap into the mental state of young black boys and their views on the natural community. Understanding she is taking the non- traditional approach, she has decided to homeschool her children with the support of her husband, family, and friends. A novelist by heart, Pamela is also in the process of releasing her first children’s book and novel in 2016. After returning natural, starting a blog, and going vegan, Pamela is now leading the life she feels was purposed for her.

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