Am I my sister’s keeper?

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Are you your sister’s keeper?

“I am my sister’s keeper” is a common phrase used to describe a relationship with women in your life who stand behind you in support through the good and the bad. But are we really as supportive as we can be for the ones we claim to love, admire or cherish?

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Women in many cultures are taught to be strong, dust yourself off, pull up your big girl panties and keep it moving. Our emotions tend to be suppressed because “Hey, life goes on!” We also hear this from the ones who we love, sometimes masked as advice. Every heartbreak, every obstacle, every disappointment has led to us having to conduct business as usual. Tending to children, being unemotional at work to avoid being called hormonal, being strong around those who need you the most becomes top priority. Not to mention the pressure of looking the part of being put together despite feeling completely broken.

During my most recent battle with depression I remember the countless times I convinced myself that this feeling was temporary. But in the pits of my soul I knew that I had spiraled out of control. I wanted to cry but I didn’t know how or who I could reach out to. Thoughts ran though my mind about being judged or considered weak in the eyes of people who normally would label me “strong”. I also thought that sharing my pain would damper the happiness in everyone else’s life. Those feelings and thoughts became unhealthy and at times dangerous.

Today I sat back and  realized how sometimes our relationships with those we care about are based out of convenience. Plenty of times (more than my fingers on both hands and toes on both feet) I can recall comments such as: “She’s acting brand new” or “She don’t got time for us anymore”. Not until my personal battle with depression did I fully understand the isolation of those words. While others may feel as though a friend is not maintaining a friendship, they may be unaware of the pain that person may harbor inside.

Through therapy and being honest about where I was mentally, it was easier to put in the work to get better. It also gave me the opportunity to think beyond myself. How many other sisters are out there going through the same exact thoughts and feelings as myself?

I decided to check in on my sisters every so often. Instead of assuming my sister has moved on in a new career, relationship, income bracket or educational status and is intentionally disconnected, I will take time to check in and genuinely have an interest in how they are doing. I now longer use social media as a gauge to determine happiness in my sister’s life. Remember the phone? Yep! That glorious device that allows us to have a voice conversation with the person on the other line? Of course we do! I will try to use it more often. Also I will never underestimate the power of physical presence. There is nothing that soothes the soul than being physically around your sisters who love, support and uplift you.

The power of sisterhood

So as I challenge myself to think more about my sisters, I challenge you as well.

How do you practice being your sister’s keeper? Join me in conversation!

Desiree Headley is a college graduate residing in Boston, working in the non-profit sector. Desiree prides on being subservient to her community by dedicating time to volunteer and give back. She loves to write and shares wisdom through her personal blessings and short comings. Desiree’s passion in life is simply to help people. Check out some of her writings in her personal blog: http://therandomlifeofdesiree.blogspot.com/.

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