Oh, You One of Them?

Umm, excuse me?  What is that supposed to mean?  Okay, so let me start off by saying I’m not trying to offend anyone with the words that I write.  Everything that I write is based on my opinion, unless it involves an interview with someone.  So, I’ve heard this comment/question before from several people.  It’s very rude actually.  On top of being rude, I don’t really have a good response for it.  First, let me set the scene for you.  This particular incident happened last year while I was still a part of the working world.  It was during my lunch hour.  I was speaking with a coworker about her wanting to return natural.  She was of course nervous about doing it, and I told her she had so many options.  If she wasn’t sure about the big chop, then she should try transitioning.  While I was trying to encourage her another coworker overheard us speaking and decided to give her opinion on the topic.

Let’s take a minute to pause here in the story because I want to address something quickly (almost quickly).  I know some people don’t like eavesdroppers and I could be considered one of them.  However, whenever I am speaking to someone who has just recently returned natural or they are interested in returning natural, I always encourage others to join in the conversation.  I love thought provoking conversations and natural hair is one topic I can always talk about.  In fact, I always try to be the one to start that spark.  I want to get natural hair to buzz everywhere with as many people as possible.  I personally feel that this topic should be discussed as much as possible due to the fact that there are too many women who just don’t know enough about returning natural.

Back to the story.  So, the other coworker who had been listening in started off by saying, “Well, of course you’re going to encourage the big chop, your hair is long and really curly.”  Stop it.  I explained to both of the ladies that it’s not about length or texture.  It’s about getting back to being you, in your purest form and learning to love the skin you’re in, to which she replied, “Oh, so you one of them?”  Huh?  Did I miss something here?  She went on to say that it seems like I was one of those “natural haired” ladies who thinks all black women have lost a sense of who they are because they have relaxers.  She also went on to state that being black had nothing to do with your hair, and that I shouldn’t be encouraging women to ruin their careers just for a fad.

Let’s break this down.  “One of them”, it sounds to me that she thought I was trying to convert everyone to natural hair and shunned anyone else who didn’t agree with me.  That’s not the case.  I believe black women are some of the most beautiful, intelligent, well connected women on this earth.  That doesn’t mean that there is no room for improvement.  That goes for every race though.  However, this lady had taken offense in thinking that because she wasn’t natural, she wasn’t black enough or the natural hair community saw her as a conformist.  People already have their guard up because unfortunately there are some “natural” beauties who have the whole “sellout” mindset.  I don’t think on those terms.  I believe that a lot of women who choose to remain relaxed, choose to do so because they prefer the look, they don’t know enough about natural hair to make an informed decision, or they are just scared.  Now, I would love for more black women to realize the beauty that is in their God given crown, but I don’t think anyone sells out.  At least I try not to think like that (I’m being honest. Go ahead and cast your stones).  However, I was hard pressed to learn that she believed returning natural would cause her or others to become unsuccessful in the corporate world.  To have someone tell you that your curl pattern or the texture of your hair should determine whether or not you return natural is a complete insult.  To be completely honest at this point, I am starting to wonder how you really feel about being a black woman.  I truthfully feel that relaxers are very harmful to your hair.   Your natural hair will be in the healthiest state it can be in and that should be what is important.  Plastering your head with chemicals so that your natural curls don’t get out of line, is so unhealthy.  Not just for your hair, but also for your emotional and mental state.  Now, I am not naïve  so I know that in the past a lot of businesses have overlooked qualified individuals because they saw their hair as unruly and unkempt.  Thankfully, it is a new dawn and a new day.  A lot of businesses have changed the way they view black women and their natural hair.  I think in part because there are so many women who just refuse to put those chemicals in their hair.  They force the businesses to focus on their talents and qualifications.  These women also show the diversity in styles with natural hair.  Your hair is not always going to be in a fro unless that what you like.  To that, I say ROCK ON.  I love a fro, in fact I have personally declared this year as the year of the fro for myself.  If you want to pull your hair back you can do that as well, but loving yourself is what’s going to catapult you into the success you want.  I truly believe setting yourself free will allow you to shed the emotional and mental shackles you didn’t even know you had.  When you do that, you allow yourself to dream again.  All the things you thought maybe you weren’t qualified for or capable of doing will start to resurface.  I don’t know how to explain it.  Freeing yourself from those requirements gives you the time to chase your passion.  When I say requirements, I mean what all do you have to do to maintain that relaxed look?  I remember the hours wasted trying to maintain my “healthy” relaxed hair.  It was so time consuming.  Once I went natural, I spent that extra time with my family and even discovered passions I didn’t know I had.  I know.  You’re thinking, that doesn’t actually happen.  So…how do we explain all of the bloggers, vloggers, business owners, product inventors, writers, and so on?  Besides, I believe that unleashing your curls will allow your inner greatness to show.  BE GREAT!
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For the record, I am “one of them”, on occasion.  I would never actually call anyone a sellout, but I do feel that there are SOME (I said SOME, S-O-M-E, SOME) women who do feel the need to shed their identity in order to pursue the career they’ve chosen.  In my opinion, if you can’t be YOU then it won’t be YOU who succeeds.  I’m not delusional, I understand that to a certain extent we all live somewhat of a double life.  That shouldn’t include a full costume where people don’t even know what you really look like.  It also shouldn’t include you believing the way you were created isn’t good enough.   That’s a hard pill to swallow, but that’s what a lot of women are telling themselves.  I encourage women to embrace what feels natural and enjoy the process.  It is truly a journey and you may find there are some things that you really don’t like, but there will be plenty that you do.  You will meet new people and that will open up a whole new world for you.  It’s fun.   You are great, so go be GREAT.